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The Lint Collector: The Bachelorette & Tank Tops In Dubrovnik, Scotland

By Nora Zelevansky / June 20th, 2012

Image stolen from … somewhere I can’t remember on the World Wide Web

As has been pretty obvious, I’ve been too swamped lately to post in a timely and thorough fashion, BUT this week’s episode of The Bachelorette could simply NOT go unacknowledged.

First, let’s discuss the elephant in the room … or no longer in the room now that (*SPOILER ALERT!) Ryan got sent to do his last Matthew McConaughey-sounding camera interview on the car ride to the airport: Ryan’s tank top.  On any other day, I would have been writing about his enormous jaw right now or his creepy “no means yes!” vibe.  But this fashion choice bears discussing.

First, yes, it looks like a woman’s tank.  BUT I knew instantly from countless years as a lifestyle journalist in LA that this is in fact a tank by underwear line 2(X)IST (this link is worth a look), designed by gay men for, well, gay men.  (So glad all these years of work have finally paid off.)  At one point a few years ago, I was actually sent the same exact tank top by PR for The Drewser and, well, let’s just say I knew it wouldn’t be his thing.

Did Ryan show up with this tank in his bag?  Was it in the wardrobe closet?  Would he have worn a pink sequined halter if it showed off his muscles because he has no discretion?  These are mysteries we might never discern.  (Although I think the pink sequin thing is a good bet.)

Anyway, Ryan is gone and though I felt a little sorry for his delusional ass, driving away talking about seeing the guys again as they exchanged high-fives about him leaving back at the house, I too am happy to see him go.  But I’d also like to credit him with both my favorite moment in the episode AND a realization:

My Favorite Moment: When Emily comes to pick Ryan up at the house for their one-on-one date (from which he will go home after calling her a “trophy wife” as a compliment and pulling out a hand-written, I have to imagine misspelled list of qualities his wife must possess including being “a servant”), he waxes poetic about their upcoming oyster farming date: “The world is our pearl!” he says.  And then explains that he always looks on the bright side, which is why he didn’t say “oyster.”

Frontrunner Arie is sitting next to him on the couch and is losing his mind with irritation and disbelief at the sheer cheesiness of it all.  With his hoodie up around his ears, he literally groans, rolls his eyes and throws his head back onto couch, echoing sentiments from viewers all across this great nation.  LOVE.  Also a good quote from Jef: “Am I sad that Ryan went home?  That’s a hard one.  NO.”

Meanwhile, seeing the other guys so elated at Ryan’s departure made me realize how much they didn’t like him and how well they hid it.  On other seasons, that issue would have come to the surface and erupted in some macho pissing match.  But there is only one roided out Doug left on this season and the other guys are kind of normal and mellow and have essentially behaved like normal people thus far.  Strange.  A better group than usual, my sister C and friend A.P. and I agreed.

Some other notes: I know they showed a preview of the movie BRAVE, which takes place in Scotland, but why didn’t they just go to Scotland next?  Don’t get me wrong: Croatia is obviously amazing and beautiful.  (Almost as beautiful as Emily, I hear.)  But why go to Croatia, just to dress the men in Kilts and have them compete in (the world’s saddest version of) Highland Games to win their fair lass?  I’m assuming Croatia has at least a little culture of its own that could have been exploited.  No?

Second, don’t tease me!  I thought Doug was going home and I am really ready and then he’s still on (because they need more episodes?).  He’s so uncomfortable at this point.  He just makes me depressed.  At least when John “Wolf” finally speaks, he seems sweet etc.  Plus, he totally secured his position with that touching grandfather story.

Well, at least we got rid of a couple guys, who weren’t ultimately viable for Em.  (Yeah, we’re totally using nicknames now.)

Until next week!  (Or whenever I get it together to write!)

xo – N.

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