The Lint Collector: The Bachelorette & Tank Tops In Dubrovnik, Scotland

By Nora Zelevansky / June 20th, 2012

Image stolen from … somewhere I can’t remember on the World Wide Web

As has been pretty obvious, I’ve been too swamped lately to post in a timely and thorough fashion, BUT this week’s episode of The Bachelorette could simply NOT go unacknowledged.

First, let’s discuss the elephant in the room … or no longer in the room now that (*SPOILER ALERT!) Ryan got sent to do his last Matthew McConaughey-sounding camera interview on the car ride to the airport: Ryan’s tank top.  On any other day, I would have been writing about his enormous jaw right now or his creepy “no means yes!” vibe.  But this fashion choice bears discussing.

First, yes, it looks like a woman’s tank.  BUT I knew instantly from countless years as a lifestyle journalist in LA that this is in fact a tank by underwear line 2(X)IST (this link is worth a look), designed by gay men for, well, gay men.  (So glad all these years of work have finally paid off.)  At one point a few years ago, I was actually sent the same exact tank top by PR for The Drewser and, well, let’s just say I knew it wouldn’t be his thing.

Did Ryan show up with this tank in his bag?  Was it in the wardrobe closet?  Would he have worn a pink sequined halter if it showed off his muscles because he has no discretion?  These are mysteries we might never discern.  (Although I think the pink sequin thing is a good bet.)

Anyway, Ryan is gone and though I felt a little sorry for his delusional ass, driving away talking about seeing the guys again as they exchanged high-fives about him leaving back at the house, I too am happy to see him go.  But I’d also like to credit him with both my favorite moment in the episode AND a realization:

My Favorite Moment: When Emily comes to pick Ryan up at the house for their one-on-one date (from which he will go home after calling her a “trophy wife” as a compliment and pulling out a hand-written, I have to imagine misspelled list of qualities his wife must possess including being “a servant”), he waxes poetic about their upcoming oyster farming date: “The world is our pearl!” he says.  And then explains that he always looks on the bright side, which is why he didn’t say “oyster.”

Frontrunner Arie is sitting next to him on the couch and is losing his mind with irritation and disbelief at the sheer cheesiness of it all.  With his hoodie up around his ears, he literally groans, rolls his eyes and throws his head back onto couch, echoing sentiments from viewers all across this great nation.  LOVE.  Also a good quote from Jef: “Am I sad that Ryan went home?  That’s a hard one.  NO.”

Meanwhile, seeing the other guys so elated at Ryan’s departure made me realize how much they didn’t like him and how well they hid it.  On other seasons, that issue would have come to the surface and erupted in some macho pissing match.  But there is only one roided out Doug left on this season and the other guys are kind of normal and mellow and have essentially behaved like normal people thus far.  Strange.  A better group than usual, my sister C and friend A.P. and I agreed.

Some other notes: I know they showed a preview of the movie BRAVE, which takes place in Scotland, but why didn’t they just go to Scotland next?  Don’t get me wrong: Croatia is obviously amazing and beautiful.  (Almost as beautiful as Emily, I hear.)  But why go to Croatia, just to dress the men in Kilts and have them compete in (the world’s saddest version of) Highland Games to win their fair lass?  I’m assuming Croatia has at least a little culture of its own that could have been exploited.  No?

Second, don’t tease me!  I thought Doug was going home and I am really ready and then he’s still on (because they need more episodes?).  He’s so uncomfortable at this point.  He just makes me depressed.  At least when John “Wolf” finally speaks, he seems sweet etc.  Plus, he totally secured his position with that touching grandfather story.

Well, at least we got rid of a couple guys, who weren’t ultimately viable for Em.  (Yeah, we’re totally using nicknames now.)

Until next week!  (Or whenever I get it together to write!)

xo – N.

The Lint Collector: Dolly Does Bachelorette & The Third Episode “New Guy” Shows His Face!

By Nora Zelevansky / May 31st, 2012

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Hello, Class.  I trust that you all slept well and are ready for today’s lesson entitled, “What We Learned From The Third Episode of The Bachelorette With Emily Maynard.”

Shall we begin?

1. Chris Harrison has a really cush job.  He explains how the week’s dates will go down to the guys and then excuses himself for the entire episode.  Cha-ching.  (That’s the sound of his divorce attorney getting paid.)  Students, if you’re smart, you’ll all become reality TV hosts, even if it requires dimple implant surgery (D.I.S.).

2. The producers have a deal with the weather gods.  As Emily and her first one-on-one date of the night (tall creepy guy, who seems kind of obsessive) scale a building’s exterior (though it looks as if they’re just being pulled up), a huge lightening and thunder storm threatens.  Draaama.  You know the crew is down below high-fiving each other for creating such good TV.

3. The tall guy is not that memorable because I can’t for the life of me remember anything about the rest of their date except that some country guy sang, once again there was a weird crowd of North Carolina fans looking on and I know he got a rose.  I also know he’s going to totally freak out about other dudes getting her attention going forward.  We know this type.  It doesn’t end well.  He’s got issues and not just because, in the next shot, he’s wearing a slightly fem striped nautical tee.  He’s going to get disappointed. (more…)

The Lint Collector: Bachelorette First Dates!

By Nora Zelevansky / May 22nd, 2012

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I know this is probably slightly wrong/weird, but I found this photo on-line of Emily and her ex-fiance Ricky.  She looks sort of drunk actually.  Anyway … this is the guy.  So maybe she likes blonds?

Anyway, on with the show!  Let the second episode begin!  (Especially since I’m not sure I’ll get to all these recaps with the book stuff I need to do over the next few months to get ready for the release!)


What can I say?  At this point, I feel like all the guys look alike and I can barely tell one from the other.  They all have big necks and v-neck t-shirts and weird spiky hair.  Otherwise, there is so much to learn about each and every one of them!  For instance, will the football player Ryan ever stop doing his hair that way, why does he think that’s a good idea and how much wax does it actually take to de-hair all those steroid-happy pecks?

Anyway … Emily is happy because she’s in Charlotte, NC, which is her “town” and she feels comfortable there.  I have to say, she actually looks less manicured and more comfortable too.  I’m liking it.

First, we see her chatting with her “mom group” and they look surprisingly diverse as types.  I’m sure they don’t usually get together in the park without all their kids to discuss who is picking up Ricki from soccer practice, but you know.  We’ll suspend disbelief just this once, since the rest of the show is so realistic.


Emily is rebuffing the helicopters for a version of “real life” on her first date with Ryan.  They’re going to make cookies in her kitchen.  He says he didn’t expect this, but he’s willing to do anything.  Willing but not psyched?  Hmm.  Questionable.  She’s impressed that he went along with it, as if he had a choice?

The guys back at the house think she looked “real” when she picked up Ryan … in a good way.  And Ryan, on the date, says he’s honored to be part of Emily Maynard’s day.  He says her full name like she’s famous or something, which I guess she sort of is.  Then they go on a date out to dinner.  For some reason there’s a humongous crowd outside and a red carpet.  I guess not a lot goes on in NC?

Emily says she’s going to ask the “hard questions” and she grills this guys right upfront.  Slow down, girl.  It’s still a first date!!  I mean, that guy would be running for the hills, if he wasn’t on TV.  Have a cocktail!  Take a load off!

Anyway, she gives him the rose though she worries that he’s too perfect.  Um.  Did you not see his HAIR?

I’m already thinking there is not going to be a lot of hot tub action in this season.  She’s controlled to say the least.  Meanwhile, her southerness is bringing out the southern in him too.  Accents all day long.  One of her “favorite” bands (she’s probably actually never heard of) plays for them, which is even more awkward because of all the preteens taking pictures of the couple dancing with their camera phones.  At least they’re slow dancing and not like rocking out.


Three words: Muppets. Charity. Theater.  Charlie (the brain damaged guy) is too nervous about his speech issues (which seem nonexistent to the untrained eye) to do the stand up comedy he’s been assigned.  Between that and the singing and dancing, it all seems designed to humiliate anyway.  I mean, what guy would want to do a kick line with Muppets on a first date? (more…)