Hello, Class.  I trust that you all slept well and are ready for today’s lesson entitled, “What We Learned From The Third Episode of The Bachelorette With Emily Maynard.”

Shall we begin?

1. Chris Harrison has a really cush job.  He explains how the week’s dates will go down to the guys and then excuses himself for the entire episode.  Cha-ching.  (That’s the sound of his divorce attorney getting paid.)  Students, if you’re smart, you’ll all become reality TV hosts, even if it requires dimple implant surgery (D.I.S.).

2. The producers have a deal with the weather gods.  As Emily and her first one-on-one date of the night (tall creepy guy, who seems kind of obsessive) scale a building’s exterior (though it looks as if they’re just being pulled up), a huge lightening and thunder storm threatens.  Draaama.  You know the crew is down below high-fiving each other for creating such good TV.

3. The tall guy is not that memorable because I can’t for the life of me remember anything about the rest of their date except that some country guy sang, once again there was a weird crowd of North Carolina fans looking on and I know he got a rose.  I also know he’s going to totally freak out about other dudes getting her attention going forward.  We know this type.  It doesn’t end well.  He’s got issues and not just because, in the next shot, he’s wearing a slightly fem striped nautical tee.  He’s going to get disappointed. (more…)