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LA (DOWNTOWN): PANTS, AN INTRODUCTION & A SALE [BISHOP OF SEVENTH]

By Nora Zelevansky / January 27th, 2011

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Oh, wait?  Have you guys not met yet?  How awwwkward.

Linters, let me introduce you to the newest awesome addition to my wardrobe: Bishop of Seventh's Lenox Leggings.  Leggings, meet Linters.  Linters, meet my new amazing matte, yet almost shimmery coated knit leggings that are on the thicker side and fit PERFECTLY and are going to make my wardrobe along with these oh so coool Isabel Marant boots:

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You too can get up close and personal with these leggings, as this supreme pants company is currently holding a 30%-off sale.

But get your own.  We came to this party together.

xo – N.

 

THE LINT COLLECTOR’S TRASHY TUESDAYS: WHATEVER WOMACK WANTS …

By Nora Zelevansky / January 25th, 2011

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Andre and I have made a decision: If ever WE were on the show (which admittedly is not very likely because A) We've already aged out, B) We're currently married to each other and don't want sister wives or brother husbands, C) We don't work out enough and D) We're not INSANE), we would lie.

When inevitably asked, "What are your greatest fears and phobias?", I would reply, "Why spas, Chinese food, sushi and (cringe) romantic comedies, of course!"  That way maybe they would send me to face those awful fears instead of making me swim with eels or something.

On this episode, the producers sent a girl yet again to face her greatest fear.  In this case, Chantal O. was forced to walk the ocean floor near Catalina Island.  I'd fear that too.  The Pacific Ocean is fucking freezing.  But Chantal O. was specifically afraid of "going to the bottom and never coming up."  That's also known as "drowning," Chantal, for future reference, if ever you want to use shorthand.

Anyway … at least they didn't send her to relive her husband's death in a small airplane like they did with Emily last episode.  Chantal apologizes for smacking Brad when they met.  Brad accepts that apology.  I don't.  That was annoying.  But she gets a rose.

Then there's a group date.  Does anyone else totally hate the group dates?  For one thing, four out of nine of these girls JUST arrived on the show.  I'm positive I have never seen them before.

But, for interest's sake, at least Allie or Stacey or some other random girl admits to cheating on a previous boyfriend on Love Lines with Dr. Drew.  As Andre said, somewhere that guy who she cheated on is like, "YUP. Bitch."

Brad says that Dr. Drew sent all the girls into a tizzy and he "loves it," but he looks more like he wants to RUN.  And he should run.  Maybe from Ashley H., who I guess is pissing the other girls off by complaining all the time, but making Brad like her by threatening to back out.

Britt and Brad make out and he says, "I like you Britt," which sounds more like, "That was a really bad kiss, Britt.  Maybe you should have skipped the onions."  But I think it actually meant, "You're cute, but that's about it."

But ruh roh.  Ashley H. went one step too far with her nay saying and lost the rose!  Oops.  Britt gets it!

Now, it's time for Michelle's date.  She woke up with a black eye.  That makes her seem even more insane than she already does.  She literally doesn't know how she got it.  She's out of her gourd.  Brad wants to talk to Ashley H. before his one-on-one date.  Michelle is mad.  I don't think you want to make Michelle mad.  Especially if there's a knife around.  Don't take her to a steak house, Brad!

No steak house though.  Cause Michelle isn't afraid of red wine reduction sauces and potatoes au gratin.  She's afraid of heights.  So, naturally they're repelling down a skyscraper.  Actually, it looks TERRIFYING.  Of course, they feel the need to kiss in mid-air.  Could anything be more AWK?

Anyway, does anyone NOT get a rose on this show?  Brad hasn't sent a single person home on a one-on-one date.  He says he can see a "day to day life with Michelle."  I think what he means is, "I can see giving this crazy chick a hot beef injection."

But I think my favorite part of this episode is when Brad's therapist encourages him to get it on with all the girls or, ahem, "explore them deeply."  Brad's THERAPIST is pervy!  I still can't believe that he's a part of this show.

Cocktail party time: Brad makes a picnic for Emily, who I think may be too good for him and may not actually like him that much.  All the other girls cry blah, blah, blah.  My money is kind of on Chantal O. right now.

Then, it's the rose ceremony.  Now Brad is just making up names!  Since when is there a Marissa on this show?  And mostly he votes off the girls I've never seen before, so it's not THAT sad.

Although it's getting good and it's a little sad that we need to wait a whole 'nother week for the next episode.  Oh well.   On to House & Castle.

xo – N.

THE LINT COLLECTOR’S TRASHY TUESDAYS: WEEPING WOMACK

By Nora Zelevansky / January 18th, 2011

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Twenty things we learned this week on The Bachelor:

1. The casting call read: "Women ages 22 to 30. Southern twang and daddy issues a must.  Fangs okay."

2. There's a music producer at Capital Records still screaming "My ears!  My ears!" after Brad's rendition of Seal's Kiss From A Rose.

3. Seal doesn't know any other songs.  It's been 15 years, dude!  Sing something new!

4. Auf Wiedersehen.  You're out.

5. After their one-on-one date, Brad was excited that he felt so comnfortable with Ashley S.  (Translation: She'll make it to top 5 and then be nixed on the basis of a "friend vibe.")

6. If you cry, you get a rose.  Unless someone else cried harder.

7. Chantal is spelled "Shawntel" by dumb people.

8. Michelle likes her kisses slippery.  Also, she's maybe a serial killer.

9. Group dates are generally involve "acting" and end with a cringe-worthy screening.  Hopefully, they burn the film.

10. "Barbie meets Mother Theresa" is the PERFECT decription of Emily (who I fear might be too self-sufficient and tough cookie for Brad).

11. The vampire girl is sweet!  She wants Emily to be happy above all else!  And her fangs are like dentures: They come out!

12. My husband does an excellent impression of a bachelorette with fangs.

13. Brad is dumb and can't tell that Michelle is psychotic.

14. There's no such thing as eating moderate amounts of Chinese food.  (That's unrelated to the show, but I ate a boatload while I watched.)

15. Brad is very patient.  This is "really hard" for all these chicks.

16. There are still women here I am sure I have never seen before.

17. For some reason, the vampire girl thinks she has to leave even though no one is making her go.

18. Who is Lisa?  Who is Marissa?  Who is Britt?  Who is Jackie?  Who is Stacy?

19. Wear waterproof mascara.

20. Blondes do not have more fun.  They go home.

xo – N.

 

LA (BEVERLY HILLS): SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

By Nora Zelevansky / January 13th, 2011

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I've taken a boatload of cold medicine, so I'm going to make this short and sweet before I start babbling true confessions and misspelling my own name.

ANYWAY, yesterday my story about stylist Oliver Ifergan's new hair care line posted on elle.com.  You should read it.  Get edified.

Now, I'm going to pass out on my face.

xo – N.

 

LA (CULVER CITY): A SALAD TO INSPIRE, IF IT EVER STUCK AROUND LONG ENOUGH [Spinach Guanciale Salad]

By Nora Zelevansky / January 12th, 2011

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I've talked about Sublime Food Lounge once before.  I may or may not have poked a little fun at the name, while acknowledging the amazing homemade charcuterie.

But, when I went back last night, I was too blown away to utter anything but "YUM."  The Drewser and I ate a salad (yes, I said SALAD) that I am now obsessed with having again.

Basically, it's brand new to the menu, but they've just added this Spinach Guanciale Salad with a persimmon rosemary vinaigrette, sheep ricotta (cow lactards unite!) and, obviously, guanciale (which, if you don't know, tastes a lot like pieces of bacon, but it's even better).

I totally don't have a picture because I had to inhale the whole thing immediately, but trust me it's salty, sour, sweet, crisp, crunchy and creamy.  Now I want to go back and get it again.  If I do, I'm ordering their Orange Julius cocktail too, and maybe, just maybe, I'll pause to take a pic.

xo – N.

THE LINT COLLECTOR’S TRASHY TUESDAYS: WOMACK’S WOMEN!

By Nora Zelevansky / January 11th, 2011

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It's a really sad commentary that, lately, I seem to only update Pocket Lint when there's a Bachelor episode to chat about.

OH WELL!

Tonight, Chris Harrison gave out the first "date card" and had to drop it on the coffee table and run because the girls looked like they might bite him.  Two words: Rabid. Dogs.

There are too many Ashleys and it's too early in the season for me to bother figuring out the difference.  But one of them gets the first one-on-one date.  She's all creeped out walking with him in the pitch dark, but then the lights come on and it turns out that they're at a carnival.  She apparently feels better, but now I'm creeped out cause I have to watch them pretend to run around with abandon "like kids."

And it's the first make out session.  Good job, Brad!  Don't waste any time!  Remember how much the time between your Bachelor session sucked?

Are they drunk?  They seem drunk.

Who cares?  Cause Brad has an absent dad; Ashley has a homeless dad.  He says they have the same problems.  But, Brad, your dad used to take you shopping sometimes.  It's not the same really unless he took you to sift through garbage bins.  But it doesn't matter.  Brad thinks he and Ashley are the kindred.  It's LOVE!  Show over.

Nooooo … Just kidding.  He says that he thinks he's on his way to finding his wife, but I think it's more like he thinks he just made out with someone on a ferris wheel.

Next up, group date.  What can I say?  Brad has to make an announcement because he has like a football team plus some bench warmers worth of women instead of just a few.  They're shooting PSAs for The American Red Cross.  Really?  The Red Cross is going to AIR these?

Michelle is super bitter about her 30th birthday today and says that women are "intimidated" by her (a.k.a. she's a beeatch).

The girls are assigned different characters.  Keltie is playing "a butch with a neck brace."  A "butch"?  Really Red Cross?  That seems OKAY to you as a descriptor???!!

But that is the least of the problem.  Let's just say that things get skanky and some people show their crazy (Ahem, Melissa).  She's crazy pants and has wanted to be on The Bachelor for 8 years.  Wow.  How fortunate that she finally got on the show and the bachelor happens to be "the one" for her.

Meanwhile, Michelle is like that girl who tried to trick Jake by saying he couldn't kiss her.  She wants to peel Brad's layers away.  I want to peel my skin off.  But she still gets the rose because, well duh, it's her birthday.  She's pretty, but, I think, not long for this show.

Then, there's the "Pretty Woman" date with Jackie.  Oh, now that's a date I can get behind.  Sans Brad.  But with the production's cash.  Except I thought that she was going shopping.  She's not.  How is that "Pretty Woman"?  Maybe she's a whore, who doesn't kiss.

And, cut to the southern blonde, who of course makes us cry again as she talks to her daughter.  Weepy, weepy time.

Back to the date!  Brad thinks Jackie is "classy."  By that I think he means "brunette."  Uh oh.  We're in for one of those really awkward performances, where some band plays for just the two of them.  Ruh roh.  Jackie has only dated two people.  She's weird.  Case closed.  Will you accept this ticket home?  Okay, fine.  Take the damn rose.

Here comes the dreaded music and now they have to dance.  I know that I'm not so up on music.  But who is Train?  Are you sure that's not Counting Crows?

Then, it's the cocktail party.  Oops, Brad.  You shouldn't have given Michelle a rose.  She's clearly INSANE.  She drags him away to ask about Starbucks vs. Coffee Bean and what's kept in his fridge.  Apparently, they both don't eat carbs ("turkey, eggs").  WOW.  It's fate!  Or they have the same trainer.

Melissa is fighting with Rachel again, whoever that is.  And then Ali and Roberto show up to help Brad make a decision and I'm ashamed to say that I'm actually excited to see them.  They're cute.  Her bangs are not.

But they do help Brad and he says good riddance to bad rubbish.  Bye, bye Melissa and Rachel, who both whine a lot.  And then to Keltie, who has a terrible name, but who you just have to feel bad for once she starts crying about how she's tried every other kind of dating and failed.

She's "sticking to kicking" (as a rockette).  And I'm excited for next week, when I have a feeling that Michelle will officially flip out.

xo – N.

THE LINT COLLECTOR’S TRASHY TUESDAYS: WOMACK ATTACK!

By Nora Zelevansky / January 4th, 2011

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[Supposedly, this is NOT a statue from Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum, but I think anyone with eyes would say different.  Blink, wax Brad!  Blink!  I dare you!]

Oh, jeez.  Where to begin?  I guess at the beginning: The season premiere of The Bachelor is always momentous and this year is particularly significant as this is the first season where an old failed bachelor returns to try to fall in love … again.

And, doing us proud as always, the show manages – within the first three minutes – to set at least the psychiatric world back a good millenium or so.  Apparently patient/doctor confidentiality must be waved if you want to find love … again.  Seriously, how did they find a therapist with so little integrity?

Just kidding.  I'm sure that therapist is totally there "for the right reasons."

But before that, Chris Harrison opens up with, "This is already one of the most shocking seasons ever!"  Already?

Flash back to three years ago, when Brad first rejected DeAnna.  Some people were mad at Brad about that, but I sort of enjoyed that moment.  Not because I'm evil (mostly), but because I loved his panic attack.  It was so REAL!  He fully flipped out on national TV.  But why do I think I am going to see this flashback about 450 more times over the next three months until I am able to reenact it with my cats?

I started watching The Bachelor religiously during Brad's first season though, so I am partial to him, I have to admit.

Anyway, it turns out that Brad blames himself for his indecision on his last Bachelor season.  And his dad.  Who wasn't around.  Poor Brad!  (Kudos, producers.  I already feel bad for the guy!)

Then Brad's therapist advises us that he's open to finding love.  Presumably, this "doctor" thinks that going on a reality show is a FABULOUS solution for someone who is afraid of commitment, has panic attacks and already humiliated himself once.

Brad agrees.  At least, he seems to agree, if that's what shirtless push-ups mean.

Then we meet the women.  Apparently, the producers have decided to torture Brad with some sadistic chicks from funeral directors to dentists to men's waxers and vampires.  Has nobody seen Little Shop of Horrors?  This could end badly.

The other women are all mourning someone and, christ, now I'm crying too cause blonde Emily's race car driver husband died and then she found out she was pregnant.  These sad stories should keep the ladies on for at least a few episodes.  (Plus, they happen to be among the prettier ladies).  Please tell me that – no matter what – I will never see Emily on Bachelor Pad, sleeping in a bunk bed above Wes.  I need to believe she's not gross.

Meanwhile, why do the girls in the limo keep stressing that the bachelor's identity is "a mystery."  Isn't he always?  It's making me think they actually do know in advance.  I have a theory that the women vote on thier top three picks maybe.

And, wait, wait, here's DeAnna and Jenny (Jinny?), who want apologies after seven hundred years because Brad rejected them.  But wasn't it normal for him to reject Jinny because he chose DeAnna (even though he ultimately bailed)?  And isn't DeAnna engaged to a twin of some ex-contestant?

OMG!  They're grilling him (cause after 3 years of no contact, they totally know all about him and his life).  Brad is fucking with his tie again.  I think he's going to have another panic attack.  Is he sweating?  Visions of the finale of his last season!  He says that he is shaking!  Someone get this poor sap a Clonopin!  Give him a hug or something!!!  He looks like he's freaking out.  What kind of hack therapist let this guy go on this show????  I think he's going to need to be institutionalized after this.  I am so stressed out.

Anyway, now Brad meets the girls and all I can think is, "Which of these girls is going to get wasted and humiliate herself?"  But sadly none.  Fang girl comes closest.  Why are all the women dressed for the prom?

Okay, now I am feeling protective of this guy.  Even The Drewser says he feels bad for Brad (there's a man's perspective for you).  They're all smakcing him and bitching at him!  Finally, one woman won't hate on him, she says.  She is like Tenley's doppleganger.  Ugh and the next girls' red shoes make me want to cry.  My eyes!  My eyes!  What are they doing to this dude?

Then a caption says that the vampire girl is a "model"?  For what?  Strait jackets?

There's also a Rockette on speed named Keltie.  Keltie?  Her parents couldn't choose between Kelly and Katie?  So many of these women look like men in drag.

Hey, something just occurred to me.  Do you think Brad literally couldn't get a date anymore after the show's debacle and he HAD to go back on TV, just to get laid?  Maybe his bar is in trouble and he needs publicity?

ANYWAY, as Chris Harrison says, "Brad, you got some splainin' to do!"  Well, maybe Chris didn't say exactly that.  But off to the cocktail party and rose ceremony.

I'm wondering at first if Brad is going to become that guy who leads off every conversation with "Well, my therapist says …"

But, then, the women keep bringing his past up. Is it me?  Or is it a little presumptuous to have this whole conversation about commitment when like 10 women are getting sent home in a couple hours?  Like, why would any guy want to keep all these pains in the ass around?  Send them all home, Brad!

FINALLY, some girl with a damn brain – Ashley S. – decides to let him off the hook.  Guess who is NOT going home tonight?  DUH.

Oh no.  Singing.  ACK.  Jackie, STOP!!!  I don't know you, but stop.  Save yourself now!  My ears! My ears!  Save me!

And, then, my favorite quote of the night comes from a sad girl in a blue dress, who keeps getting her time usurped: "I have a great sense of humor.  As you can see, I'm not wearing shoes."

Then, it's the rose ceremony.  One girl cries that she gave 110 percent.  To what, no one knows.  The last three hours?  Curling her hair?  Ten teary girls go home, as Brad stuck with the relative hotties per usual, and we're off to another season of The Bachelor.

Now, if only "Keltie" would change her name.  Maybe I could stop gagging.

xo – N.

LA (AND BEYOND): RINGING IN THE NEW (WHILE SPORTING THE OLD)

By Nora Zelevansky / January 3rd, 2011

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HAPPY NEW YEARS, LINTERS!!!

Do you think EVERY January 1rst, we say something like, "Wow, this past year was particularly crazy"?

I'm really not sure.  Perhaps.  I know I am prone to the dramatic.  But, still, it needs to be said: 2010 was a year full of intense ups and downs too.

There were short posts and long posts and then (gasp!) no posts at all.  First class photos, grainy camera phone pictures and sometimes just stolen images from who knows where?  Some days we had clear skin.  Some days we broke out.  We ate fried pickles, sure.  But were they all good?  I can't say that they were.  And the haircuts?  They varied from great to not so good too.  Yes, it was a tumultuous year.

But that's on a more macro level, you know, with major global impact.  Some big up and downs happened in my own life too.  But I'm not superficial enough to get into those.  Let's stick to the important stuff.

ANYWAY, am I foolish in believing that many people had exceptionally good New Years parties this year?  It seems that way.  Normally, I'm just trying to sort of get through New Years without any extended moments stuck outside in freezing cold weather, at a boring ass party or at some new club, where I can't find a seat.  Boo.  Hiss.

This year, The Dreswer and I sang our brains out (thanks to a rented karaoke machine), drank Proseco and ate more meatballs than bear mentioning from Bay Cities – with some old friends, but also some very new ones.  I wore the above Rebecca Minkoff dress, which I can't say is fresh from the shop, but it's still new enough in a comfy kind of way (although it's looking kind of bunched and weird at the waist here).

Well, maybe that's a lesson for the New Year: Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other is Rebecca Minkoff.

Either way, I wish you all a Happy Happy Healthy New Year!  May your skin be clear and your fried pickles be crisp.

And may you clean up my cat Mina's puke, as she's sort of bulemic and she just threw up across the room from me yet again all over my nice plastic bins.  Sigh.

xo – N.