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THE LINT COLLECTOR: THE BACHELORETTE’S “FANTASY SUITE” EPISODE

By Nora Zelevansky / July 26th, 2011

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That's right folks: It's that time of year again — FANTASY SUITE SEASON!!  This is when The Bachelorette reaches new heights of shamelessness, giving the expression "down and dirty" a whole new meaning.  And Ashley doesn't have an impressionable child at home to use as an excuse for playing demure and skipping the ho-bag suite.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

First, one needs to fast forward through the "coming up" scenes from this current episode.  I'm sorry, but why in the world would I want to spoil what I'm literally seconds from watching?

Three are left: Ben F. "The Wine Guy", JP "The Jew" and Constantine "The Douche Who Doesn't Like Her Much."  She likes all of them blah blah blah.  We get flashbacks to dates throughout the season.  As my ever wise hubby Andre said to the TV, "Yeah — we know, dude.  You like her.  We already saw this."

The relationship with Constantine is supposedly moving very slowly, which is never a good sign, but we shall see.  As usual, it seems obvious that she likes JP the most.  Let's hope he can perform, if you know what I mean.  (What I mean is that I hope he doesn't pull an Ed during Jillian's season and announce to the entire world that he couldn't get it up.)

Anywaaaay … Surprise, surprise!  Psychotically cheerful Ryan shows up.  My sis totally said it would be him, but I thought it would be Brad.  That was wishful thinking, I guess.  They do love having people come back on this show.  I guess Ryan was the best they could muster up?  Jeez.  This season is ALL about humiliating people.  This is like a horror movie.  As he approaches Ashley's hotel bungalow and pours out his feelings, everyone at home is screaming — Don't go in there!  Go back!  Turn around!!!  For the love of GOD!!!!  PS Why does he sort of remind me of Robin Williams?

Anyway, she so doesn't like him, so there's not exactly a cliff hanger here.

Whatev.  First comes Ben — who is tan.  And that is helpful.  Ashley is wearing a red bikini top, white flowy gypsy skirt and Birkenstocks.  Honestly — there's something weird and forced about it like she's playing dress up.  Ben has "transformed into the more open emotional Ben."  Or so he says.

He gets set to slather her with sunblock, even her chest.  She straddles him and rubs him down.  It's a little … awk.  I feel like I'm watching foreplay.  They call it flirtatiousness.  I call it pre-sex humping.  Um.  Can we get on with the fantasy suite, so they can close the door and we don't have to watch?

They both say that they're very comfortable together blah, blah, blah.  I'll say one thing — I think Ashley legitimately likes two guys, which makes for a good show.  Also, she's an a-number-one horn dog.  She's so not saying "no" to the fantasy suite card.  At dinner, I think she's not wearing makeup or something.  Weeird.  She says everytime she leaves him, she thinks "I could really imagine my life with this guy."  I sort of have this feeling that in her head, she's thinking, "But than I see JP."

Ben says he's on his way to "the whole I love you thing."  Not quite as well-spoken as he'd hoped.  But she says she's so excited to give him the fantasy suite card, so he can "show me how he feels."  Cue porn music.

This is one of my favorite things about this show.  I LOVE that the invitation to spend the night together is supposedly from host Chris Harrison.  HILARIOUS.  And most likely written by some poor P.A.  She wants to get it on and he's still saying that spending the night together would be "very nice."  He carries her — yes carries her — out of the hot tub.

Next up, Constantine … He says he needs a haircut because he has "the Euro mullet."  Um.  You mean your hair sometimes look different than this???  But that does sort of make me like him more.  She calls him a Greek god.  Really?  Whatever.  To each her own, I guess.  He says, "You're crushing my bucket list."

Pan to Ryan, who is hanging on the beach below.  BUZZ KILL.  I'd rather watch Constantine talk about himself.  Sorry, Ryan.  She's busy having a boink fest with three other dudes.

Meanwhile, Ashley reveals that Constantine looked at 108 houses before he picked one and she says that relates directly to their relationship.  She says she hopes that things take off with them tonight.  I feel like she's doing that thing that girls do, where they try to tell the guy what he should say or do to save the relationship.  They actually talk about Ben and his wine knowledge on the date, which seems like a bad sign.

We don't even hear her offer it, but Constantine doesn't accept the fantasy suite card because he says he's not yet in love with Ashley and he wants to show her respect.  Like literally he says that TO HER.  Um.  Okay, Bro.  You're so going home, right?  Why are you even here?  He says this means that "this is the end of the road" for him.  I mean, she's pathetic in her way and all, but this is just plain awful.  You think it's more respctful to DUMP her like this?  You think it's respectful to go this far and even on this date, knowing exactly how this "fantasy suite" date would end and to have still come???

All I'm saying is that I called it.  The guy is a douche.  At least Bentley left early on.  Unless she annoyed him into panicking on this one date, I think this guy only came for the trip to Fiji.  Classy, dude.  Classy.  And, with that, they say goodbye.

And I feel bad for her cause this is her worst fear, but she seems to hold it together.  She doesn't even cry.  They've apparently drained her dry.  I'm surprised the producers revealed the dates in this order actually.  Why didn't they save the Constantine reveal until the end?

Now I'm concerned that she'll keep Ryan because he's obsessed with her and she's so damn insecure.  But … she dumps him again.  Is he the first guy to get dumped TWICE on this show??  On top of everything, she tells him she feels something much stronger for two other guys.  Ryan asks her if he'll ever find love, which is always attractive.  I'm so depressed.  This guy bums me out, for reallls.  In a talking head to camera he says, "It will happen [for me]."  He repeats it 5 times.  No joke.

JP time and once again when we need something upbeat.  Just in time.  I'm curious to see this actually because I think she likes JP the most, but maybe she's more hot for Ben F.  She says she and JP seem to feel the same way about each other — they just want to be together and not leave each other's side — "It's hard to describe."  Um.  Ashley.  I think that's called falling in love with someone.

Ashley tells JP about Ryan coming back and Constantine leaving.  She says she sent two guys home, which is totally misleading because JP probably thought she meant Constantine and Ben before she explained.  She tries to coerce him into saying he loves her, but he's not ready yet.  He says yes to the fantasy suite card — she says the suite is like their home.  She wants to play house with him.  Is her sister gonna hate him???  Is it cause he's a contractor?  A Jew?  Short?  UGH.  We're going to have to wait TWO WHOLE WEEKS to find out.

Anyway, she says she's most compatible with Ben F. and she can't explain how she feels about JP.  Yeah.  Good on paper vs. actual feelings.  There's a rose ceremony, but no one is going home.  JP looks murderou as Ben accepts his rose, but nothing else much to report.  I think she kept the best two guys — maybe the only viable two.

And then — WHAT??  The best news yet — "Men Tell All" is this Sunday.  And that means that the finale is in ONE WEEK NOT TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It looks like Ashley's family likes to torture her too.  CANNOT WAIT!

xo – N.

PS The outakes about Ben and Ashley's toes makes me think they're actually more cute and normal together than I thought.  Why don't they put this shit in the actual show?

PPS The show afterward that my DVR taped for like 45 seconds looks INTENSE all about morbid obesity and brain damaged kids.  EEK.

THE LINT COLLECTOR: THE BACHELORETTE TAKES IT HOME

By Nora Zelevansky / July 19th, 2011

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I thought I'd give us a break and use a picture of Chris Harrison instead of Ashley.  Sometimes you just need a break — know what I mean?

Anyway, the episode begins and Ashley tells us about why she likes each guy: Ben F. is "a man" and they'd have an "exciting life together" (a.k.a. he has big shoulders and vineyards); Constantine is so hot (a.k.a. he's fugly, but he doesn't like her that much and that gets her all hot and bothered); J.P. has "everything," but, even though he's basically vomitted his feelings all over her, she needs to know that he feels the same way; Ames is "unique" and she loves being around him (a.k.a. she's surprised that he's kind of amusing, but she still doesn't like him cause he's wall-eyed).

Not that it matters what I think, but Ames has grown on me a bit.  At least he's something different.

Anyway, Constantine's hometown date is first.  He talks about everything he's gained and learned during the show because, as usual, he only talks about himself.  Then he takes her to the family restaurant to make pizza.  Then they go for dinner at his parent's house.  His big fat Greek family seems nice enough and his sister is pretty, but they're cautious.  I don't know why anybody would be unsure.  Don't they know that The Bachelor franchise has like a 2 and 15 record?   If that's not proof of success, then I don't know what is.

Ashley tells Constantine's mother that she would relocate for him.  But why is that the expectation automatically?  It's weird, I think.  I thought she wanted an educated dude?  Constantine is apparently not able to make a decision without his family's consent.  And suddenly it really is a big fat Greek celebration — like a million family members come in.  And Ashley gets to dance!  Yippee!

His mother says that Constantine bringing Ashley home to meet his family "means something."  Yes.  It means that the producers told him he had to do it.

I already feel like Ames is going home, but we'll see.  Mostly because no one has ever referred to another person as "unique" this many times and still had sex with them.

But anyway Ames is from Pennsylvania.  It looks really pretty like a horse farm.  I totally thought we were headed for NYC.  I wonder if he's anywhere near where my parents live now?  Excuse me, while I start stalking Bachelorette contestants.

Anyway, we meet Ames' family and, not surprisingly, they're very articulate.  They all talk about how much he loves Thailand, which still makes me think of his solo visits and wonder if he has some weirdo fetish.  His sister is worried that Ashley doesn't feel the same spark as him and I agree.  SHOW HER THE PORSCHE, AMES!  We saw you get out of it in the beginning of the series.  She would like that!

Poor Ames' father died when he was ten-years-old.  And then his step father died after that of cancer.  Notice that he didn't milk that.  I feel badly that she isn't going to choose him.  She keeps telling his family that the relationship has moved slower with him, which I think is just laying the ground work for the later dumpage.

Ashley and Ames think they're so alike.  He confesses to having been a nerd (quelle surprise!).  I feel awful for him actually.  She says they have a real connection, but I still don't think she feels it.

Next up is Ben, who does not have a vineyard, but a winery.  Different.  But that's coool.  They drink wine, which is just smart because it's ALCOHOL.  And that helps!  It rains.  They seem awkward.  But then she starts asking questions about his father passing away and now I feel bad for him too.  Jeez.  He has only ever brought one girl home before and he seems nervous.  I think he's still not comfortable in front of the cameras maybe.

Ashley is nervous for this date because, well, Ben inadvertently put a TON of pressure on her by saying that he needs them all (his mother and sister and Ashley) to like each other.  Ben's sister seems normal, but then she also kind of has 'tude.  I can see why this wouldn't be as fun as Constantine's house, although it seems less oppressive weirdly to me.  Maybe I'd just rather live in Sonoma.  Plus, I don't want to help out at some middle-of-the-road pizza joint.  Eek.

Ben apologizes to his mom for bailing emotionally after his dad died and she seems to accept his apology, but maybe that's why he was nervous to see them.  I feel like they should have invited more people over cause this is INTENSE.  Then we find out that tomorrow is Ben's father's birthday and he talks about missing his dad and he cries a little and he seems like a little boy and I feel awful for him and so does everyone who isn't made of stone with a coal heart.

Even my husband Andre feels terrible.  He says, "Jesus, Ben F.  I'll marry you."

Fortunately, Ashley says she truly can imagine spending the rest of her life with Ben, so maybe Andrew won't need to leave me for The Wine Guy after all.

On to JP, who Andrew says will cheer us up.  And, yes, they're going rollerskating and, in no time, they're laughing and kissing.  Ashley says that all she can think about is how lucky she is to be there with him.  Um.  It seems pretty obvious once again that she likes him best.

The family is cute and sweet and funny and you have to love them because they roll out the Bar Mitzvah signing board with a picture of him that looks like Kirk Cameron.  I mean.  SHUT UP.  But they're so obsessed with how hurt he got by his ex that I'm starting to think he had a nervous breakdown or something.  The brother has a Robert Deniro mole and he's all worried about JP too.  The mom is the greatest and she's such a Jewish mother in the bestest way, worrying about whether JP is sunburned etc.  Cute stuff.

Ashley says she's smitten and everyone is happy.  For now. (Can you hear the dangerous organ music?)   Dangerous organ.  Ha.  That's funny.  Anyway …

I wish Ashley would send stupid Constantine home, but instead she sends "unique" Ames packing, which was super obvious.  Boo hiss!  Send home the lamo guy who doesn't like you, Dude!  Why do I dislike that Constantine guy, I wonder?  Maybe I see myself in him.  Cause I'm also a self-involved machismo guy with bad hair.  No.  I think he's just kind of a tool.

Of course Ames is composed and gracious even in the end.  Maybe even more so than any other dude or chick I've ever seen leave this late in the game.  Bye bye, Ames.  Sorry I made fun of you.  You're a nice guy.  And you deserve better.

Ames says a lifetime of being entertained by himself is "less enticing" than a lifetime with Ashley.  What can you do?

Sigh.  Yet another week until we get to watch again (can you say "fantasy suite"?).  As a wise woman once say, "Blurgh."

xo – N.

PS What about the coming attractions, featuring Ashley's tatted up sister, who she calls a bitch?  WHOA. Bring it on!  And are those Brad's flip-flops showing up?

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION [BIKINI RADIO, Salon.com & Fitness Mag]

By Nora Zelevansky / July 18th, 2011

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I am just the fitness lady these days.  Someone should tell that to my muscles.  Maybe then they'd get all six-packy and stuff.

1. ANYWAY, I have a feature with some personal essay in this month's FITNESS Magazine called "Hey Beautiful!" all about self-deprecation and why it's important not to make fun of yourself or put yourself down TOO often.  For example, I just did it above.  So I guess I won't do it here.  Now I feel amaaaazing.

No, but seriously, studies show that projecting negative things about yourself or not accepting compliments gracefully can make others uncomfortable and make them doubt your ability, not to mention put a damper on your own self-esteem.  Check it out, if you have a moment!

2. I did a radio segment on KABC's fitness/nutrition show "Bikini Lifestyles" and you can listen to it here.  My section comes in at about minute 13:30 or 13:40, if you're interested!

3. My story on Salon.com about the tug-of-war between being living "green" and living sleekly went up last week too!  The title is a bit salacious, as it wasn't necessarily about being liberal or conservative, but you know … Check it out, if you have the chance.

Remember: You're beautiful.  But you look better when you read my stories.

Love ya.  Mean it.

xo – N.

THE LINT COLLECTOR: THE BACHELORETTE, MADE IN TAIWAN

By Nora Zelevansky / July 12th, 2011

Sihebert5

Thank the lord that The Bachelorette has returned — it's been a rough couple weeks — with a special Emily interview (booooring?) at the end about why she and Brad are over.  Emily is mos def the next Bachelorette, although that's like a million years away because there has to be a Bachelor before that.

Moving on … this episode begins with Ashley explaining why she likes each guy.  Ryan makes her feel safe (a.k.a. he kisses ass), Ames is unique (euphemism city), Ben is smart and Constantine is easy on the eyes etc. etc.

Okay.  I need to pause.  Am I crazy or is this an Emperor's New Clothes situation?  That guy is NOT cute.  He's got bad hair and droopy eyes.  I don't get it.  But maybe that's just me.

Moving on.  Again.

They're in Taiwan, which looks pretty.  JP is freaking out because he just wants to be alone with Ashley.  He's not a particularly creepy dude, but if he was, I would be thinking restraining order.  He's obsessed.  Why??  No one knows.

Anyway, the remaining four guys at the end of this episode will take Ashley to their respective homes, which is exciting because I love the hometown dates, but upsetting because it means that there are only so many episodes left.  I'm panicking in advance.  How will I survive without this show?  I might have to actually leave my house!

First one-on-one is with fugly/hot guy Constantine.  She just "sees something" in him, even though the relationship has moved slow.  Yeah, Ashley.  What you see is called disinterest.  He's not that into you.  But apparently that's your favorite trait in a man.  She asks him if he's looking for love on this trip.  He says yes.  Yeah — the greatest love of all.

They arrive for a lantern festival, during which they'll make wishes.  Constantine is taking the lantern thing "seriously," so Ashley says that means that they might actually have a future together.  I think we're missing a logic step somewhere in there, but whatever.

He is all about himself.  He says he wants her to fit into his life, his family etc.  And, at dinner on their date, he asks what she likes about him.  She says that physically, he is exactly what she likes (barf) and that she likes that he holds back a little bit.  Oh Ashley.  Please book a session with Brad's therapist from last season.

Constantine likes her answer.  It's "genuine as hell" because she sees him like he wants people to see him.  OMG.  Ashley!  RED FLAG CITY!  They both say that their relationship has turned a corner.  Keep walking!

Next date is with Ben F. "The Wine Guy."  I think she should meet his family just so she can go to Sonoma, but I have a bad feeling she's sending him home.  Maybe because they keep showing him talking about how confident he is.  They moped around and he says it feels like a fairytale.  Where's a poison apple when you need one?

He's confessing his feelings for her and she's sort of quiet, which could be because she doesn't feel the same way or could be because she's not allowed to agree.  Doesn't he know that she loves guys who hate her?  Oh, but then she says she might be falling in love with him.  So I guess there's your answer.  She says it feels like he's her boyfriend — they're just really comfortable together.  Too bad he's not as hot as Constantine (gag).

Ben doesn't come home from his date until the next morning, which makes JP freak.

JP, Ames and Lucas arrive to take wedding photos with Ashley, which supposedly shows Ashley what it would be like to be married to each of them.  Um yeah.  That's a pretty clear indicator of your compatability, dressing up and taking pictures.  I notice that Lucas is balding.  Maybe it's just because I don't like him, but that seems like another strike against him.

The men have to put on these absurd Taiwanese outfits (absurd in this context).  Lucas is in a traditional gold ankle length skirt-like outfit.  Ames is in a turquoise suit and pink shirt kinda sitch.  And, for some reason, JP is in a normal tuxedo.  I sort of feel like Ashley and The Bachelorette producers are making a mockery of an actual cultural tradition, but whatever.  What else is new?

JP is grouchy and he's not even hiding it in front of Ashley.  Lucas admits he had only an "okay" time on the date because he had to wear a "dress" and he's a "traditional guy."  That means conservative and chauvinistic in this case.  Ames is kind of refreshing, even though he's weird, because at least he's different.  But he's chosen to wear red pants of his own volition during the second half of the date.  Ruh roh.

JP admits that the whole situation has made him crazy.  Ashley pretends to be concerned, but we can see in her eyes that she LOVES it.  She probably wants Ames to get another concussion.  She gives JP the rose.  DUH.  They're going to NEW YORK!  And by New York, I mean Long Island.

Ashley is wearing a backless shirt for her date with Ryan, which I have to admit, she can wear.  She looks better than usual, not like it matters with Ryan.  He's wearing pink.  Of course.

They go to a temple.  Ashley says, "Isn't this amazing?"

Ryan says, "This is."  Then he makes a fist around her hand and repeats, "THIS is."

She ain't feeling it.  Ryan is on "cloud 10."  But she is sending him homesville because there's no connection and she can't stand talking to him about meeting his family, when she knows she never will.

This is cringe city.  She dumps him, pretty gracefully actually, and then he says, "You don't want to meet my family?"  Wait — are we about to see the super cheerful facade crack?  I'm worried about this guy, truth be told.  He looks … UPSET.  Up that Prozac dosage, doc.  Again.

He stops mid-camera interview and is cursing by himself in the bushes, trying to stop from crying, I guess?  He wants to say that he wants to love someone and find the right person, but he can't quite get it out.  He wants "real love."  Someone to set my heart free.  Real Love.  Sing it, Mary J.!

At the rose ceremony, I'm thinking Lucas is going bye bye.  But we shall see.  And, yes, he is.  Bye bye.  I kind of think you were scary, even if all you want is "someone to cook breakfast with in the morning."

And now it's Emily interview time.  She still looks like Malibu Barbie, but a sad one, I guess.  She starts out crying from the very beginning.

OMG.  About Brad, she says, "We left the dot, dot, dot," which makes me know that she's watching this season and Bentley!  This show is AMAZING.  She's sad.  That's sort of all you need to know.

And then comes a genius out-take from the episode, where a dog pisses on Constantine and Ashley's love lantern.  Me too, doggy.  Me too.

And now we have to wait another week to visit wine country and strong Island.  So be it.

xo – N.

LA (WEST HOLLYWOOD): SHUT UP. CACAO SMOOTHIE.

By Nora Zelevansky / July 11th, 2011

Eveleigh

As many of you may know, if you've hung out with me in the last six months, I've developed a somewhat bank account draining obsession with the smoothies from Earth Bar.  It's basically a high-end health food/vitamin store with hemp and almond milk smoothies that rock my world — the people are lovely, the smoothies are delicious and you get to feel virtuous cause it's all healthy and makes you pretty and stuff.  What more could you want?

There are other Earth Bar locations in Equinox gyms around the city, but the one I frequent is the only standalone location: If you find yourself in the neighborhood of Kings Road & Santa Monica, try the Radiant Skin, Amazon Immunity or the quinoa cereal with coconut — SO GOOD!  It's also sort of a secret celeb spot randomly.  Partially, I think I just love it because creamy milkshakes and smoothies have been a no-no for me, since I realized I was lactard.  Now I can actually eat them again thanks to almond and hemp milk!  Thank goodness for weirdo health food trends.

ANYWAY … after a Franklin Canyon hike this weekend with Andre and our friend A.L., she and I couldn't think of anything else but having one of those smoothies.  That's when she informed me that new(ish) nearby restaurant Eveleigh had hired a smoothie chef previously from Earth Bar to work during brunch.

This is a little embarrassing to admit, but Andre and I had dinner the night before with M. & P. at the same place.  The outdoor setting is great — all pretty, minimal/casual and outdoors.  I had a delicious Pisco Punch cocktail and we shared a salumi plate with fried bread and hot olives with haloumi (shut up!).

So, we decided to go for brunch too.  And I was more than glad that we did because I got to sample their Cacao Nut Date smoothie with young coconut meat, coconut water, sweet cacao nibs, cinnamon, vanilla stevia and vanilla hemp milk (above).  HOLY SHITE.  It's all I can think about now.  It's a bit grainy in kind of a yummy textured way and the cinnamon takes it over the top.  Damn.  I want one now.

A.L. said it reminded her of a healthier Frozen Hot Chocolate from Serendipity in NYC, which is HIGH PRAISE in my book.

Anyway, I wanted to cry and throw a tantrum when a server took my smoothie away with a sip left.  But I held it together.  Cause that's just how I roll.  I'm quite mature.  Also, I live close by.

xo – N.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION [RANCH SPAS]

By Nora Zelevansky / July 8th, 2011

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How much do you wish that was you, lying on a massage table with hot rocks lining your spine?  Sigh.  You'd have to be in Costa Rica for that to be the case, sadly, at least in this exact room.

Instead, you get to read this story I wrote about Ranch Spas from California to Wyoming and beyond for Sherman's Travel.  Which is, of course, almost as wonderful and relaxing.  Almost.

xo – N.

THE LINT COLLECTOR: THE BACHELORETTE BELATED

By Nora Zelevansky / July 1st, 2011

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Remember this picture???  She totally took it during Brad's season.  Wow.  I bet she regrets that now.  This is not hot, in my humble opinion.

But anyway, I am way late with my Bachelorette write-up this week, so I'll keep it short and sweet.  They're in Hong Kong.  Bentley shows up.  I don't know if Ashley gets tipped off by Chris Harrison or if she just reads Bentley incredibly well, but she finally sees through him and actually says to him, "Why did you come here?  Just wanted a vacay?"

And just for that instant, I actually liked her.

Anyway, she's over the Bentmeister, who is a sick puppy, I think.  Not because he's so "evil" in my opinion, but because I think he might actually have liked her and been too embarrassed to admit it.

She goes on a date with Lucas, who seems nice, but like a hick.  He gets a rose, even though she'll never end up with him.

She goes on a group date that is so moronic and boring that I can't really even speak about it.  But she has a "hot" elevator moment with Ames — how that is possible, I have no idea.  Then, she has a sort of awkward moment with Ben "The Wine Guy," where she keeps pecking him, which makes me think maybe Ashley doesn't feel like kissing him, but does feel obligated.

She goes on her first repeat one-on-one with J.P. (That's Jordan Paul the Jew to you, who maybe is the Jewish 5'7" a.k.a. 5'5".)  She tells him all about Bentley and he's understanding.  They're totally into each other and I sort of suspect that she would leave with him in that moment, if she could.

Then, at the cocktail party, she tells all the dudes about Bentley and makes the mistake of using the expression, "I fell for him."  Oops.  The guys get mad.

Constantine says, "Some of us are sitting around waiting for dates with her."  Actually, Constantine, you're all doing that.  That is the point of this show.

He also adds, "When you make a man feel second, my mind is out."  Actually, Constantine, you're not second.  You're eighth.  This is THE BACHELORETTE, you moron.  And you have heinous hair.  What did you expect?

The dentist, Blake, sort of seems like he has anger issues.  He's all pissy at Ryan cause he's too perky and then creepy about "standing" with Ashley while talking.  Even Andre (my husband) called Blake a "douche."  Even the other guys say he is "sizzling" and "about to blow."

And, though I personally find two out of three weird, I'm currently seeing Ryan, Ames and JP as the frontrunners.

Mickey, I think, bluffs about leaving, but then Ashley basically pushes him to put up or leave.  He leaves cause he's talked himself into a corner.  Bye bye, yet another creepy dude.  In the paraphrased words of Seth Meyers, "You are gone and already forgotten."

Ashley is left crying yet again and then literally whining to Chris Harrison.  With all the flying, drinking and crying, she must be really dehyrdrated.

She sends the creepy dentist with anger issues home, as well she should, before he starts bullying her.

And then there were six.

xo – N.

P.S. They all keep talking about how she brought Bentley to Hong Kong.  Why are they still acting like there are no producers?????

P.P.S. As usual, the "scenes" show too much, but I can't control myself from watching.  It looks bueno.  Ugh.  More torture for Ashley, for sure.  I won't say more in case you had more self control than I did.