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SUMMER TRAVEL & SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION [Ritz Spa Treatments, Elie Saab Perfume, Elkin’s Launch, Bachelorette Gossip & More]

By Nora Zelevansky / August 11th, 2011

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Not that I have been nearly as attentive to you chickadees as I should be, but I'm about to be even worse.

Wait — there's worse than one or two posts a week?  Why, yes.  There is.

I'm about to take a hiatus from all things work and writing and instead loll by, well, wherever they'll let me.  (And by "they" I mean the authorities.)

Still, in the meantime, I did want to leave you with some light reading that spans many different genres.  A little bit for everyone, perhaps?  Here goes:

Okay, first, I am OBSESSED with this brand new line by two sisters out of Downtown LA (see above Lake dress).  Their newest collection — the first full one — launched August 1.  I wrote about them for C Magazine and then about their official launch for Daily Candy.  Read up and shop!  How much do you want this lace dress?

Of course, my SELF.com blog "Fit Like Us" (which will be continuing over the next few weeks, despite my hiatus) covers all things fitness and health throughout the week.

For all you brides-to-be, I have a feature in the new Martha Stewart Weddings about wedding music and the country's best bands, DJs and D.I.Y. playlists.

Elie Saab has a new fragrance launching, which you can read about here in my story for elle.com.

The Ritz-Carlton Downtown just launched an insane, entirely new Spa menu, really their first major endeavor — very red carpet etc.  Read about it here at Style.com.

Also, I didn't write this article, but for all you fellow Bachelorette whores, here's some gossip on how Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ben F. "The Wine Guy" started dating.  Um. Yeah.

And … I have nothing to do with this show either, but I am OBSESSED with the new MTV show Awkward and I feel like I need to spread the word, so it doesn't get canceled like Huge.  The opening line to this last episode, "It was homecoming week and like an uncomfortably misguided tampon, it was impossible to ignore."

GENIUS!

Lastly, if you haven't yet, you MUST try the chocolate Zico coconut water.  It's INSANE.  Lactards, it will change your life.

And, with that, I guess I'm out.  Talk to you later, dudes.  Happy end of summer!

xo – N.

THE LINT COLLECTOR: THE BACHELORETTE’S OVER — WHAT NOW?

By Nora Zelevansky / August 2nd, 2011

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Sadly, this will have to be a super short post because I somehow injured one of my typing hands.

But I would like to begin by saying that Ashley's sister is a hater.  She goes off after like two seconds about how JP isn't the one.  First of all, she keeps calling him old — an elderly 34.  Then, she decides that he's not wacky or fun enough for her sister.

Um.  Newsflash.  Ashley is not fun.  She likes to flash mob and cry.

Also, JP isn't funny enough?  He just made your asses love like 5 times.

I love how the sister keeps talking about how she makes rational decisions and that Ashley is irrational, which is so insulting — and Ashley doesn't even notice.  If you don't have faith at all in Ashley's instincts then how do you propose she makes a decision?  The best part: We then find out that she's divorced.

Anyway, she hates JP and loves Ben and Ashley is too dumb to realize that her sister is a pathetic attention whore, so — even though she CRIES and says she's heartbroken — she seems to listen to her!  It's so obvious that Ashley actually likes JP best, but feels like she SHOULD pick Ben.

Why isn't anyone telling her that sometimes the guy you fit with best isn't necessarily your obvious type?  How can she not tell that her sister is miserable and jealous?  No matter which guy went first, she would have unleashed on him.  I feel sure of it.

Anyway — after the family visits, she takes a mud bath with Ben.  Um.  TMI moment.  Then he tells her he loves her.

JP date — she's clearly done a 180.  Her sister told her that her life with the "old" guy would be boring and dull and she's a stupid ass and believes it.  Even though he's a much less uptight more generous person than Ben — it's obvious.  But she's going to make decisions based on what her sister thinks and it won't work out.  But then JP says he's madly in love and gave her a book, so who knows?

I have to say — two things that make this season stand out — first, that she doesn't express any weirdness at all about making out with all these dudes.  Usually, the women are a little more restrained.  Second, I sort of don't know who she is going to pick 100% for once.

And then … it's Ben she's dumping.  And this is rough.  JP has been a neurotic Jew the whole time and worried that she'll dump him.  Ben has NO idea.  He's getting completely blind-sided.  He's crying about his dad.  She tries to tell him, but then he shushes her and gets down on one knee.  It's AWWWWWFUL.  And he does not wait around to act gracious.  He just walks the fuck out.  Totally shows his true colors.  He's like, "You can't leave something like this on good terms" and "Good things don't end unless they end badly."  NEGATIVO.  No matter what she did to JP, he would not have reacted this way.  I'm positive.

I'm kind of liking the pissed side of Ben.  But it's like a 180.  I bet she never even knew he had a temper.  Ben says he thinks that JP was the safe bet and that's why Ashley chose him.  He's wrong.  He was actually the safe choice.

Okay — this didn't end up being short.  I'm a sick puppy, literally enduring pain to express my Bachelorette opinion.  Anyway, it's JP proposal time and I so think they might be one of the couples that actually lasts.  And he loves her and she loves him and he FINALLY proposes and then they stand around all awkwardly and then they do a montage to (YES, THEY WENT FOR IT!) REO Speedwagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling."  Which is a little upsetting — does this mean that I won't ever be able to hear that song without thinking of The Bachelorette again?

Now comes "After The Final Rose" and we find out that Ben is now sleeping with Ashley's sister.  JUST KIDDING!  But how great would that be?  He still seems pissed, but he denies it.  I love when someone gets dumped and then shows their true colors.  He's super pissy.  And why did they STRAIGHTEN his hair?  Eeks.

Anyway — JP & Ashley are totally in looooove.  Her sister is still a beeatch, even though she pretends to repent.  Her sister references holidays together — Thanksgivings, Christmases.  Ashley adds, "Chanukah!"  I like that, Ashley!  Score one for the tribe.

BTW–Chris Harrison's hair is so dark, long and curly, right?

Anyway, that's all they wrote.  And no announcement about the next Bachelor.  Now what?  How will we spend our time?

xo – N.

THE LINT COLLECTOR: Who Is Your Money On? [BACHELORETTE]

By Nora Zelevansky / August 1st, 2011

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Brunette Barbie & Rustic Ken

Happy August!

Normally, I start the month by reading my horoscope on the Astrology Zone website.  (Yeah. I can admit it).  Now that that's done (check!), let's also welcome the last month of summer with a list of what we learned from The Bachelorette "The Men Tell All."

But first: I seriously don't really know who she's going to pick.  I think JP, but then I think maybe she's too comfortable with him.  No spoilers please, people, but who is your money on?

Okay, okay.  Here's what we learned …

1. Ashley's hair looks better now than at the beginning of the season.

2. The producers cut out all the remotely funny things that happen on this show.

3. On JP & Ashley's first date, he broke her entertainment center and she fell asleep on him.  No wonder she kept apologizing afterward.  Too comfortable much?

4. There was a penis-shaped fruit bowl in her hotel room in Thailand and Vaseline by her bedside.

5. Ames is going to be on Bachelor Pad II.  Really, Ames??  You went to HARVARD.  Now you're hanging out with Michelle Money, Justin "Rated R" The Wrestler, Blake the psychotic dentist jerko, Vienna and Jake and "I got a tattoo and then voted off" Casey from Ali's season.  At least it looks like smarty pants gets some action.

6. The masked man likes housekeeping in his Lone Ranger get-up, a button down and undies.

7. The men all think William is a dirtbag and a liar.  They're right.  He's like flacid Bentley.  At least that guy admits to being a douche. William and Ryan's exit videos both kind of make you want to go run and find Brad's therapist.

8. The masked guy claims that he wore a mask to be funny, which is weird because he clearly has no sense of humor.

9. That guy Nick didn't talk for the whole show, but now he's asking questions like he's the host or something.

10. Ames is the fan favorite!  The women in the audience went crazy for him!  He said he thought Ashley calling him "unique" was a euphemism — righto, mate.  You know why everyone likes him?  You gotta love a guy who can string together a coherent sentence.

11. Bentley "declined" to come to this reunion show.  Um.  Is it not in his contract that he has to come?  The guys have a message for him anyway: "Go fuck yourself!"  Well said, boys.

12.  That guy Blake is a JERK.

13. I want to say something interesting about the show's alumns that offer advice (a.k.a. Ali, Jason and Deanna), but there's just nothing interesting to say.

14. Ashley is HAPPY!  That's all we get to know.

15. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, tonight is the finale!  CAN'T WAIT!  Deeply sad, but true.

xo – N.