By Nora Zelevansky / August 3rd, 2010

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On the most dramatic Bachelorette finale ever, Ali wears yellow.  Again.

Dude.  When she said she was going to "break the rules," I thought she meant she might wear like green or something.

I don't know who I feel worse for: Chris L. or Ali's brother.  I can't believe the family talked on national TV about dressing him up in feather boas.  Poor guy.  Now he'll never get laid.

Anyway, as usual, Ali "No Poker Face" McGee made it obvious she was more into Roberto from the very beginning and sort of took the steam out of the reveal (which I called BTW).  Just saying.

To be fair, guessing plot-lines is a special talent of mine.

But this isn't about me.  This is about three morons on an island.

It's impossible not to feel awful for Chris L. (the next Bachelor, I assume?).  He keeps talking about being in love and how his parents had that etc.  Ugh.  Ali.  How could you string this guy – of all guys – along?  He's still a disaster because of his mother.  And why is she taking so long to break it to him?  Why does she keep saying she doesn't know what to do, when she knows exactly what she's doing?  Why does she seem so giddy?

Ali says, "This wasn't an easy decision."  But, I mean, it was.  Because she's letting him go before the proposal day even comes.  To be fair, though, I guess if you don't know which guy to choose the day before they propose, it doesn't bode well for the future of your relationship.  Like, you SHOULD know already.

Luckily, Chris sees a rainbow, which IS kind of touching.  And then, if he can learn how to annunciate, I think he'll make a lovely Bachelor contestant.

Neil Lane looks well-preserved blah blah.  Meanwhile, I sort of think by next year that Ali will be host on E! or something, but she and Roberto have as good a chance as any of the past contestants, I think.  If she really loves him, he does seems pretty sweet.  But then he also said right before proposing, "I don't think I've ever thought as much I have today."  Brain trust, he's not.

I think I discovered that the key to getting picked is kissing someone awkwardly while hanging high up in the air, either like Vienna from a bungee or Roberto on a tightrope.

Cue … Lion King music?  Okay.

So, then, Frank bailed on "After the Final Rose."  Wait–Frank freaked out and had a "change of heart"?  How odd and surprising.  WHATEVER.  He probably broke up with that girl and felt like a moron, that neurotic mess.

Anywa, blah blah.  Chris is understanding.  Roberto made me think they were sort of normal when said, "I can't believe we met on a TV show."  And I'm bored because the reveal already happened and I don't care about listening to them blabber about their true love and or watching them reminisce about things that I watched five minutes ago.

Via con dios, you guys.  Adios hair extensions, Ali (I hope), and Chris Harrison saying Roberto's name all weird: "RoberTO."  And hola Bachelor Pad.

xo – N.

P.S.  What do you think?  Will Bachelor Pad be sucky like Top Chef Masters?

P.P.S.  Did you know that the bachelorette doesn't get to keep the ring, unless they stay with the guy for a certain amount of time?